Judgement

Being from a middle class family, I was always afraid of Judgement.
It was seeded in my being since very childhood that every thing that I do is being seen and my every action is being judged. I was told that I would be criticized for every time that I go wrong.
I was told not to be wrong.
It was not enforced on me about the praises for good as much as insults for wrong.
So my living was a constant fight between what I wanted to do verses how I was judged for it.
This created a constant pressure on me. And I hesitated in doing what I wanted to do.
Even if I was a good singer I hesitated to upload my music videos on youtube thinking what if I received criticism for that. This constant fear of being judged made me doubt myself and I stepped back from being myself and doing what naturally came to my personality.

I was a carefree and a confident child. But now I really missed that little me who was so brazen to act as she liked and to display the treasures of talent she had, and not to care of what others thought of her. She was living freely, she was breathing freely just because she didn't give a damn to what people thought of her. And so she was her so confident and loving herself with all her flaws and showcasing her self to the world as she was...

Blacks and Whites

Yeah ! Its Sunday, a day full of fun

Let me plan out some adventure something different than regular run

Umnn.. Hill climbing adventure and outing?

But no friends today to accompany

Disco dancing with dinner out today?

But to implement this no penny...

No penny, no friends am I giving up then,

A plan for my perfect sunday?

I thought and thought not a boring day again

I wanna chill out and enjoy today come away...

Naah.. My day could still be a wonder,

Let me live multiple lives today an experience bigger than facing a thunder

And so I went on to get started for my today's assignment

Eager  to explore the nature I was full of fun and excitement

Starting with a bud I was fragrant and pretty

I was adored by all may it be ninny or witty

And then came a butterfly insane by my beauty

Its gentle touch transformed me in a flower full of delicacy

My glory was admired

And I was surrounded by bees and butterflies

A happy world I was gifted

With promises and love ties.

Time passed by and so passed my elegance

My admirers vanished then slowly, all I gained was sheer negligence...

If they had to leave me

Why did they show me gardens ever green

I could have lived alone merrily

If this fake love in my life remained unseen

Sad story of dejected flower

It was difficult for me to handle

So I switched to next character now

I was tall colored and glowing candle.

I was tall very above the ground

My brightness gave light to anything I surround

I was  hope in darkness and witness of true promises

I was light deity for some and for some cause of sacrifices.

My deeds were valued

For I burnt within to enlighten other's life,

Moth, my true lover gave its life but we could not meet

Because fighting the gloom was my only strife.

But my senescence approached near

And I melted to meet the ground

My sacrifices were forgotten soon

Respect for me was no more found

They endorsed my deeds

And made me habitual of this supremacy

If my fate was only to meet the ground

What was the need of hyping my efficiency

Similar question but no answer

I switched on to the next

It was time for me to live happy and free

Soul of a bird in me now to annex

Brought up with love by my mommy bird and daddy bird

I believed I would finally find the happy life I had heard

With my mother's warmth and father's fed seeds

I spent a happy childhood as all the birds did

Then I was taught the lessons of flying and feeding

I left for another place from this fair land after training

A smart swift bird when set for new beach and rock

Was warmly welcomed by a travelling sparrow flock

We flew together and explored new lands

Shared cheers and fun in hails and sands

Our trips assured me we were best buddies ever

We could fight dunes and storms and could be separated never

But then came an eagle

A sharp and quick hunter

It saw our flock and attacked us

Like a curse on a pleasant weather

I fought for my flock

For they were all my friends

I believed life was not worthy

It was friendship that never ends

But eagle's evil eye

Then fell on my soul

It took on me and spared others

But I knew my flock stood united there whole

And then to my surprise

All united they flew away

Without any mercy they left me

To serve as predator's delicious pray

I fought for my life

And finally eagle flew away

I was wailing in pain all alone

Surrounded by darkness in bright sunny day

My wings ached but I flew off

For I believed in what my parents said

Whether alone or with crowd life means to fight back

And so I struggled to move on ahead

No complains I had to file

But a single answer I was waiting for

If care means only for self

Then what does companionship stand for

While cheers my buddies strengthened my voice

But in time of cry they ignored it like some odd noice

I could have fought predator alone

But ' Go Bang it' was the sound I waited for

In wounds you left me suffering

Like sun vanishing after heavy disastrous shower

You left on when you found me worthless

But who gives you right to rate someone's living

Oh fake flock see predator has more morals than you

Alone it flies with no false gentleness, Mind you,fake friends are worst than lonely feelings...

Living different lives arouse several questions in my mind

Sunday adventure left me with so many conclusions I was adamant to find

That life thus is

A simple sum of blacks and white

When you over look the balance sheet

You find the whole fairly right

While in dejection

You can easily enumerate all evils life gifted you with

But did you ever measure

All the goodness that life has ever did

Though flower lost its beauty

But it was transformed to a sweet fruit soon

Flash of time took butterflies away

But parrots and squirrels were given to it as boon

Flower cursed life

For momentary loneliness it had to bear

But it was given larger share of happiness

Before it could ever drop a single tear.

Though many smiles it had

Were just outcomes of some lies

But if those gave it cheers

Then this falseness deserved a place in white

The balance of lies minus trues

And happiness verses tears then proved

Life gifted it with more glee

And less griefs than it showed

And then the candle

Shouted out her anger

That for duty she could be

With her lover her moth never

And then lamented after it melted down

No one bothered to value her

But oh crying candle see after all left you

You were embraced by ground's shoulder

Appreciation of your glory were your whites

But the dejection the blacks had so little heights

And you never realized

Blacks gifted you a companion so wonderful

So your balance sheet

Also turns out to be perfectly beautiful

Talking to the sparrow now

You were gifted heaven on earth in childhood

You were taught all lessons and then

Set off free to explore distant woods

Your friends though fake

Gave you companionship and showed white lands

Your single armed struggles

Then accounted for some handful black sands

But did you notice

That the blacks introduced you to the strength you had

You found the worth of your living

'Life to you was unfair' was then wrongly said.

Your balance sheet like all

Shows greater sums of white

So as I was adamant

Even your account was fairly right

In life we are gifted

With lies and with trues

But both give you something

If your see with honest views

Lies gift you happiness

And trues make you appreciate its worth

And at the end you are left with

Loads of earning after complete sum total on earth

And so my friends

I say to you it here

Enjoy lies and tears

And live life without complains and fears...

My Perfect Man...

A pink dressed Barbie

With it's dressing kit I was waiting for

The story times back to the time

When I aged funky four

Days passed by and so passed the desires 

Choices kept changing with the times whirling tires

But one thing endures is that waiting for swirling wand

Place of Barbie doll though taken today by a prince's hand

A prince who adds new meaning to my existence 

My life finds its completeness by his mere presence

My knowledgeable prince who is witty and clever

But finds thousand dumb ways to lighten my worries ending never

Strong as a mountain but like my innocent kid he behaves

Whose company is like green field of spring and during storms like a hard cave.. 

We fight with each other

But turn out with sorry together

'Whose mistake?' doesn't bother us both

Its only the love that matters...

Whose each glimpse makes me realize

Living was so wonderful

Whose thousand mistakes cause no damage

But a simple smile makes up whole so delightful 

Whose touch sets a musical octave in my soul 

And his vision beautifies me as the whole 

Whose words touch my innerself like a butterfly kissing a flower

With whom the journey seems like a walk through soothing love shower

My world seems to confine to the arms of my dear

The perfect music of breaths and beats is all that I am eager to hear

Seeing us together even the lord of parting weeps its deeds

Cupid says 'Yes this is true love which after Adam and Eve did ever seed'.

Not on his dad's white horse 

But in his arms my self made man takes me there 

Mornings bring more love to life 

And happiness dawns each day where...

||Sshree||

We will always be together... 

The story dates back to the time I was a callow child

My home was filled, twenty four by seven, with blithe hubbub and plays wild.

We sisters and our brothers capered whole day,

Those were the times that showered happy rain and glittered as a bright ray.

Time’s wheel kept rolling

And our plays vanished then somewhere,

The vicissitudes of life broke the string, separating the pearls

And snatched their dazzling, pristine glare.

Daily conferences now replaced by occasional Hi!!!

Demands of ‘Take me with you’ replaced now by a mature Bye!!!

Time kept running thus so quickly no one realized

And the race seems all finished today when I see your face pictured…

Your face was still and I hated you that day

For it was unfair, I was crying and you without responding lay.

For heaven’s sake open your eyes, I prayed to you again and again

But you walked away on a nonreturnable path giving me an irreversible pain…

I could not finish my talks with you my brother,

You broke your promise that we will always be together!

Still many fights and arguments were left to be done,

I need an opponent damn it, how dare you decide to run???

I remember the day you told me,

I have a disease —its sarcoma.

And seeing me stressed you laughed and added

Don’t worry, it is curable my sweet little grand ma…

I replied – why now??

After I had become doctor I had trusted my own hand

You smiled and said

I‘ll get well, just relax, have faith on almighty’s magical wand…

May be because I was a child

Or maybe because I, deliberately, did not want to understand,

I believed it was a mere illness

And never thought it could make you leave this land…

He continued with his treatments and I continued with my education,

He was getting better I was told and I headed with satisfaction.

But suddenly at a point then, our lives came to a standstill,

When doctors told-- he has few days left, our job is done, now all’s on god’s will…

Somehow he heard it

And that day I saw my hardstone cry.

Its all lie, they are all perjurers

I wanted to shout but was helpless by my despondent throat’s wry…

And yes, then each day I saw him dying in bits

A strong stout fighter bowing by life’s hits…

He became leaner and more prostrated with each passing day,

But those hands found strength to applaud for me on my result day.

My heart pounded decibels aloud

Seeing his selfless love and cheer,

It was the last time I patted his cheek

And could feel him so near…

And then came the morning

When you reached your final abode,

And all left infront of me

Was a long, never- ending empty road…

In the crowded streets of heaven,

You must have found angels above.

But there is no replacement to this void in my life,

And to this absence of brotherly love…

Up there somewhere

When I write this I know you are feeling the same.

But unlike childhood plays,

There is no second chance to return in life’s game…

And all I can do now

Is living up with a hope,

To find the way to defeat this ail

And the way to strengthen sufferer’s life’s rope…

The day I become able enough

To save someone’s son, husband or brother,

I would get sheer bliss, peace and satisfaction,

That you are with me and we will always be together…

Happy Independence day

In chains of slavery with malicious will
Mother India was captivated by deception
She cried and groaned of Britisher's evil
But her voice was heard by no one

Years later her children realized
Her sufferings and her pain
They entered the battlefield wearing shroud
To pay for the blood flowing in their veins

They fought bravely and embraced the death
But freed mother from slavery chain
They neither cared for punishment nor feared death
For them mother's independence was their only aim.

In 60th year of mother's independence
We stand proudly as Indians
We enjoy freedom and our rights
And call India best among all nations...

Nationalism and patriotism is one everyone's toungue
Along with promises of working for nation
Songs and odes in mother's glory are sung
Mother's flag is worshiped with great passion

Every one proclaims himself as best patriot
But today lets question our soul,
Are these the words we utter like parrots
Or these are the feelings of our heart's core.

On every step we are accompanied by corruption
And lie is filled in our each action
Each word we speak is reflection of our lust
Promises of nationalism seem to be covered by rust

Hundred years ago from today
Mother India was crying and groaning
Past has repeated itself again oh see
And again she is left lamenting

Her crown now looks like arc of thorn
Her green coverings are being torn
But she has suffered so much never
Because today her own children are attacking her

Mother India is crying again oh see
Her tears are seen by every one
The sky, the universe and even cries thee
But the one who is unaffected is her own son

Awake guyz open your eyes
Stand up today to wipe mother India's tears
Let her see her children united again today
Paying her tribute in return of all her favors

Lets join  hand and treasure her deeds
And work to wipe her tears
Lets unite and sow love's seeds
And free India from all her fears


Enlighten the candle of truth in your heart
And enforce your arms with hard work's might
Keep violence terrorism and corruption apart
And work to keep swift golden bird's flight..

Innerself

I saw the sun, the moon, the sky

I saw the birds fly

I saw every thing in sight

With my heart's fair eye

I saw each phase of life

With my heart's fair sight

I dealt with different people as

My heart told it was right

But on each and every step I found

My heart was broken down

My thoughts were not understood by people

I was always gifted with wound.

Stop! Stop! I said to myself

Why should I bear wounds

When world can't understand my heart my innerself

Why should I bear thorn's crown.

Enough now! I will compete with the world

I will make position for myself

I will do the same as does the world 

I will bury my innerself

Long time has passed and now I think

I am getting what I willed

But I am moving away from me

With each and every blink.

Still today I talk to myself

and become again the same

I try hard all my best

To keep lit my innerself's flame..

In this hard race of life 

Do people find good soul inside them?

No, they don't they just fight

For fulfilling their aim.

Life is so short and goals so high 

So whom should we all blame?

The fear of stigma, our ambitions and expectations

Or the society which positions our name!

Debates will go on till the end of life

But there is only one advice

That to find the true fun and true success 

Talk to your innerself guys

Although it doesn't fits with the world

But has true and deep sense

It neither gives nor sharps your sword 

But shows life's true essence

And whats life for, what should be our aim 

To fight and compete in this game ?

When we would go empty handed from here

So what is the use of this fake fame!

Awake guyz! find yourself 

The sweet heart that you have

Be happy and make other's happy 

And thank god for all you have...

||Sshree||

The Unspoken Word

The long shiny stretch 

Of dry land infront

With shrubs scattered around

And a pond tiny and round

The nature's creation is a masterpiece for sure

Untouched and secluded it thus endures

And there up see the beautiful sky

And hiding behind the clouds there lies sun so shy

And there amid dense clouds lightening makes its way

Natures beauty left me speechless with the slipping day.

The two companions move parallel in life's run

But the distance betwen them still never lessens

Their wet communication could have made them more colored

And the cost of this magical change was a single word 

Oh how sad and unfortunate

Was the result of silence I felt

While cursing the nature it cursed me back 

For the same situations of life which my silence has dealth

A strange serenity hovered me then

Some unknown force dragged me to that old familiar lane

Now I started feeling numb and hollow

For lying infront of me was the name on sand which the waves couldn't blow

And then came infront that pretty face which ones 

Unknowingly caught my eyes and left me statuesque for seconds

I could again feel that old mystical presence

Which delighted all senses at any instance

Now old memories flooded my eyes and flowered my lips

For there lay a beautiful relation which my silence had nipped...

We rely on optical communication Like the speechless birds 

For eyes speak more loud and clear than the petty words

But then destiny takes us to so distant shore

That we find no way to express the feelings of our heart's core.

This pain may be ignored through vicissitudes of life,

But still that silence haunts us refreshing those feelings so rife.

And so today this haunted spirit exclaims 

And pens down its mistake before the silence makes it lame

That even if linkages of heart don't rely on communication

But these little words contribute to vivify pretty relations

Expressing yourself may take your soul and strength for few moments

But this short lived zombie sensation is bearable than uncertainty's dents.

You may find your words

Sometimes dragging you out of a beautiful mirage

And sometimes these words

May stuck you forever in cupid's cage

But surely these words

Would wipe the doubts clouds

So before the destiny trounces you

Say your feeling clear and loud

Else you will be left 

With a void in your heart somewhere

Your spirit will wither

Wavering between hopes and despair

And so my friends

Save yourself from this situation so absurd

Go today and make your dear ones hear 

The soul of your Unspoken Word...

||Sshree||

Lion and Dove

He was the king of lands

And she was an ignorant dove,

The greatest mistake they did was

One day they fell accidently in love...

In her noble white bosom

 The lion found compassion, unseen in his life

And she admired him dearly

For his strength and might so rife...

He called her closer

 She said I am afraid

 He ensured, 'I'll be light for your fears!'

 'I trust your words' the little bird said...

She flew down to him

 All blinded in love

 She hugged him & adapted to his land

 Forgetting the huge stretches of sky above.

He poured on her

 Rains of love and emotions,

 At times evading the dark nights

And at times fighting all commotions...

But they forgot

 This simple fact,

 Between the sky & land

 A distance is universally kept.

When he kissed her

 Her fragile torso bleed profusely,

 And her attempts to cuddle him with love

 With pricks of her claws gifted him agony.. 

Yet they kept close

 Believing someday things would work out well,

After all love wasn't mere enjoying fair lands

 It was also a vow of being together in fires of hell...

They defied their pains for long

 But nature could never be defied,

Between the growing pain each moment

 Somewhere their relationship died...

And the king moved to the forest

 Forgetting the dove when hugged by queen of lands,

 And the dove looked up at sky

 Leaving no footprints on the forgotten sands...

Yet somewhere with air currents of yesteryear

 He could find his mighty heart pound,

 And the sight of lands still left her statuesque

For the love in her life lost and found...

I walk a road I know nothing about

I walk a road, I know nothing about

And yet I walk believing,

I walk with faith which is not mine

But given to me by my love...

And so I walk with his faith step by step 

And as I turn back I see,

The distance which was no way existent

Now exists as wide as sea...

Yet he smiles and asks me to look straight

And I smile as I again look back.

For I know the love that his little heart holds,

And I know those tiny tears that his belief in me stole.

He smiles loud and I move farther

Deep down within I cry, he cries...

Yet he becomes the reason I keep stepping on.

And I become the reason he keeps holding on.

The string of faith knots us strong,

A wedlock may defy but my trust can never go wrong.

And so this bird who crave to fly away 

Now years to pause for a while.

And yet his faith makes her fly

Love, the untamed master silently smiles...

||Sshree||

The child in me...

This child has to die!

This child that speaks up what is truth

This child that believes all that it hears 

This child that trusts blindly

This child that sees the world with its innocent views

This child who believes that 

Hands once held, have to be held unconditionally for always

This child that thinks that shoulds are to tap on to support

And not to climb up on others

This child which openly supports what is right

And openly opposes what is wrong

This child that gets upset 

When evil winds and goodness has to bow down

This child that feels so helpless and alone 

Because of its unbiased opinion on things

This child that cries out of the misery 

Which being honest, with itself brings...

No! Hold on!!!

Don't kill this child

Aah! Please stop dont kill this child 

Its painful! Have mercy!

Don't kill this child

I will die, please don't!

Don't kill this child...

Twenty three years now,

I have grown with this child in me

This child has imbibed 

like air in me

This child is my identity

This child is truly me!

It doesn't deserve a place here, I know

But it deserves its place in me.

Leave her now and I promise

I will cut down all its plays 

I will keep her hidden and ensure

It stays hidden always

This child deserves to be living 

Because it should not be punished for other's fault

This child, but should learn now

When to lay covered and where to pop out

This child will live

And be an indifferent part of me 

I promise now this child will surly learn

To show up only at places where it should be!

||Sshree||

Death

A sleep so calm 

Which takes over all toil

Silent, cold the one that makes 

A fully shaped man to meet the soil

Slow yet steadily it embraces one

with a lullaby so soothing,

Through the journey of silence-trance-sopor

It takes one to the utopia ultimately relieving.

The knots losen 

And hand shakes receed

All limp you lay with ams open

Perfect peace over soul and mind then succeeds

Indifferent to the entire world 

You go dancing on the stoll in the land of dreams

Faces faint, voices become unheard

Bliss and peace with all its radiance beams

Wandering in space yet far from your reach

This sweet sleep wanders as I and you soar 

Mysterious, grave yet soulfully selcouth 

The tacenda of each heart till it knocks your door...

||Sshree||

The snow and the rock...

Snow they say is so unfortunate

Lone cold rigid and merciless

It's frost strikes touching palm with chilly unmatching pain

Of its rough rigid character snow proudly confesses...

Then they point at a rock standing under the sun

And say- Look it has got no companion

Arrogant it must be for alone it stands 

I am happy being just by myself' the sturdy rock defends...

But no one wonders 

Why with slightest warmth the snow melts

Or with arrival of a single weed

The rock turns itself into weed bed

For all you see is the hard cold snow

And dry rough rock is all you know

And so you leave them all by themselves

These evil ones have no place in elite races

Now all that is left is a simple wihs

That someday warmth greets the snow

And some day weeds fill up the lone rocky crevices

Ragged muscular red's hullabaloo some day knowtowns..

|| Sshree||

(P.S Muscular red refers to heart)

It hurts...

It hurts when a dream breaks, 

It hurts when the trust shakes,

And all you can do is accept it,

But it hurts when silent agony within bakes.

'Let go' you tell yourself,

But the kalopsia-like yore boomerangs.

Amid the heating fray of acceptance and depreciation,

An indulgent self there hangs.

Bedecking this sciamachy then,

Even the thundering clouds rain.

A drop on cheek then shrivels with grief,

When drop on land resonates the pain.

Your ardent love fogs your senses,

Even if dark you return back to old lanes.

You reseal the blemish and live in paracosm,

Reviving the apnoeic relations, forgetting disdain.

You break, you reseal and nothing really changes

In matter of hours the entire cycle weaves,

But the tormented soul never recovers the smirch

Because it really hurts when  true love leaves...

||Sshree||